just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
