At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
