We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
