I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
