Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
