That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
