she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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