She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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