brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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