After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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