she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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