i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Randomize
