I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
