What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
