Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
