Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
