if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
