Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wish there were birth control emojis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I deserve this hangover.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
