oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
