Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
