you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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