I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Holy sore nipples Batman
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need water and some morals
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
