So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
