im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
