apparently the secret to your success is patron
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
