evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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