I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
