Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
