He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
