I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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