Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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