I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
