Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
