Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
