btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
