Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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