just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
