all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
