So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
