Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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