Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
