Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
