it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
