dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
