well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
