Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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