it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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