I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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