Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
