I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
